God damn it, pure nostalgia!

Bavarian cream pie

Scene from the episode "The Soup Nazi" of season 7 of TV series Seinfeld.

Jerry: It was stupid of me.

Sheila: Well, it was very insulting.

Jerry: No, I know. I...I was really sort of half-joking.

Sheila: Well, behind every joke there's some truth.

Jerry: What about that Bavarian cream pie joke I told you? There's no truth to that. Nobody with a terminal illness goes from United States to Europe for a piece of Bavarian cream pie and then when he gets there and they don't have it he says:" Aw, I'll just have some coffee." There's no truth to that.

Sheila: Will, I guess you're right.

Jerry: So, am I forgiven, shmoopy?

Sheila: Yes, shmoopy.

Jerry: Aaaaw!

Some of the gears used in CV 45

Topeak RaceRocket MT pump

Continental tire levers x2

Park Tool Rescue Tool MTB-7

Elite Hygene 550 ml

Suunto Ambit with HR strap

Sony HDR-AS15

Continental tube 28''

Giro Athlon 

Shimano XC50N

Hestra Bike Short Sr

Rawlings Eye Black

Oakley Radar Range

Cykel Vasa 45

Beautiful riffs courtesy of Iron Maiden

Playlist XVIII.

1. "Fear of The Dark" 

2. "Wasted Years" 

3. "Aces High" 

4. "Run To The Hills" 

5. "The Evil That Men Do" 

6. "The Trooper" 

7. "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son" 

8. "The Number of The Beast" 

9. "Hallowed Be Thy Name" 

10. "Afraid To Shoot At Strangers"

12

It has been 12 years now since I moved 'out'. Never would have imagined that I will have such a long run. During this course, I have gained many things and lost many things as well and I have been though some.

I guess I will never know if I have made a right move or not, probably not even the time would be able to tell.

It went by just like that...like many other things...like almost everything else.

So strange...so strange...

Sigh!

My new hoj*

Here it is: 

Trek X-Caliber 2012, 29er

* hoj noun (Swedish everyday language): bike [informal]

CHOP SUEY!

I don't think you trust
In, my, self-righteous suicide
I, cry, when angels deserve to die

Father! Father! Father! Father!
"Father into your hands, I commend my spirits"*
Father into your hands
Why have you forsaken me
In your eyes forsaken me
In your thoughts forsaken me
In your heart forsaken me


* Luke 23:46

147!

Yes, it has been 4 months since I last wrote here, not that I forgot about it but it was just complicated given the series of events that happened and what not.

I will now exit my self imposed exile and try to reflect on that. A couple of days after my post on Vasaloppet, I had an unfortunate accident on the XC track which left me grounded for 2 weeks at home and left a scar on my face. Then I saw my little princess to go through the toughest period of sickness ever. It took me some substantial time to realize what had actually happened but it did have a major impact on my mindset.

If only I could turn back time...

I sought comfort in other aspects of life but they only thing which helped me was my immediate family and in particular my daughter. I cannot say that I have fully recovered from that hit (as the scar is still physically there and most probably will never go away fully) but the only escape or rather defense was to attack. I got very much inspiration from the following quote which I read somewhere:

"Tant que je respire, j'attaque!" - "As long as I breath, I attack!"

So I got myself to another quite dangerous passion of mine, mountain biking and I will take part in my bike race ever really soon (I have to write more about my relation to cycling later on and some of my escapades back in the days). I just want to take part and enjoy the atmosphere, so no competition really... not to be a winner but feel like one.

I have been thinking very much about my blog and I deeply regret not 'pouring out' here during all the hard times but I didn't mostly due to fear and a good deal of laziness as always; it's much easier to write posts in my brain as they come up rather than writing them down here. I was afraid and broken and for some inexplicable masochistic way, I wanted to stay that way: I just can not figure why.

I witnessed a close friend of mine one lose a dear one and that also gave me shock and added more emptiness to the way that I see the world and our relations with people around us: family, friends, coworkers etc...they all will 'go' at one point and so will I. At the very end, I just realized the most meaningful thing in this life is my child who gives me the utter joy in life, without expectations, without prejudice and will always always forgive my faults and loves me exactly the way I am, as crazy and as distorted as I may be.

Vasaloppet

Vasaloppet is a long distance cross-country skiing race that is held annually in Sweden. The race distance is 90 Km between the village of Sälen and Mora and is the oldest, the longest and the biggest cross-country ski race in the world. It is held in the first week of March each year. Legend has it that King Gustav Vasa was escaping the king of Denmark toward Norway. He first tried to convince the people in Mora to start a rebellion against the king and they refused. He continued toward Norway and was later caught in Sälen on skis. The people in Mora had changed their mind in the meantime and now wanted him to lead the rebels against the king. 

Having started my own adventure on a pair of cross-country skis this year, I got curious about Vasaloppet. On the day of the race, I woke up a couple of minutes prior to the race by chance and got to see the a mighty and jaw-dropping sight: 15800 skiers at the start point! I somehow felt like Jalal Al Ahmed in "A straw in Mecca"...a tiny drop in the ocean...gave me goosebumps directly. Next thing I know, I am stuck in front of the TV and watching the race until the first person (Jörgen Auckland from Norway) passed the finish line. Hell, I have fallen much into XC skiing that I even had some favorites in the top 10 and wanted them to win (Daniel Tynell and Jörgen Brink, both from Sweden who finished 2nd and 4th respectively). Needless to say, I have never bothered to care for Vasaloppet all these years but like everything else when it comes to skiing, I noticed that I have been missing something big so far. Ah well, better late than never, eh?

Here are some pictures of the event:

Here's the winner of the race in 2013, Jörgen Auckland as he was about to pass the finish line. Funny thing that the Daniel Tynell just behind him took the 2ns place...for the 2nd year in a row!

And here's the starting point as seen on the TV.

And finally, here's me drinking coffee in my kåsa and having cakes while watching the race and hoards of people were killing their bodies by double poling for a good 6-7 hours. I just couldn't help it so I put on my hat and XC glasses on while 'watching' the race!

On a irrelevant note, cross-country skiing has nothing, and I repeat NOTHING, to do with downhill or alpine skiing. The mindset and the the way that its joy is considered is totally different to begin with. I would even claim that one of them (and I'm not sure which one) should even be called 'skiing'. I just leave it here although I am fully aware that this is subject to massive debates.