To KG, when he was a little boy

Like Jesus said

"My God
 My God

Why have you forsaken me?"

- Matthew 27:46

Solitary confinement?

"Is that you John Wayne?

 Is this me?"

I am on the verge hitting the pinnacle of my isolation from the world. This 'leave' as much as being vital and necessary to some regards, it does take its toll on you when it comes to human contact and socializing. Being in a new city in another country does not necessary loosen things up but I guess things would have been more or less the same had we stayed home.

What can I do?

What should I do?

Will I miss it later?

I don't know but the loneliness and the silence is getting hard to bear, I guess 'det är bara bita ihop' and move on...somehow...

Best of you

I've got another confession to make

I'm your fool

Everyone's got their chains to break

Holding you

Were you born to resist or be abused?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head

Without your noose

You gave me something that I didn't have

But had no use

I was too weak to give in

Too strong to lose

My heart is under arrest again

But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death

But I can't choose

I swear I never give in

I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?

It's real, the pain you feel

You trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Oh...

Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...
Has someone taken your faith?

It's real, the pain you feel
The life, the love you'd die to heal

The hope that starts the broken hearts

You trust, you must

Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend

I'm no fool

I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?

I swear I'll never give in

I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?

It's real, the pain you feel

You trust, you must

Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Oh...

Song by Foo Fighters from the album "In Your Honor".

Back in MTL, QC, CA

Yeah, finally made to Montreal again for the third time in one piece but what a trip it was. It took almost 24 hours from bed to bed, and things are not particularly easy when you are travelling with a one year old child. The poor kid who normally sleeps 15 hours a day, could only sleep for 2 hours in 24 hours during the long journey, once we managed to put her into sleep on the floor of the plane during the 7 hour flight and only after one hour we had to lift her up due to a stupid and extremely short turbulance!

Anyway, I am very glad that it's all over. This is going to be the longest period that I will be staying outside Sweden and filling my time effectively, now that I am the kid, is going to be real challenge. A confession: After staying home with baby on the parental leave I have realized that it is NOT exactly a walk in the park rather it could (and it is) at times dull and boring. I used to be quite jealous of the people who were on parental leave before but I guess I wouldn't be anymore.

I have many ambitions in mind for this month, a important one being taking care of resolution 13 but I am very much afraid that I will not be able to do as much as I want to due to lack of consistency, energy and laziness in general, may the force be with me!

So far, apart from jetlag and all the small adjustments, I have been quite apathetic to the new enviroment, maybe it is the foot injury that has been nagging me in the past week or maybe it is the lack of having a personal attachment to here which results in that but hey, I came here just for a change of scenery and it is a change alright so let's keep it that way. In addition:

1. Food and the variety of edibles are really good
2. The "moka problem" has been resolved with a great solution

So if I just put myself in the groove for 'the resolution' and my foot gets better, I've got nothing to complain ;-)

AMS

I love Amsterdam.

There is a sense of laid-back, liberty and above all, I-don't-give-a-#€%k about it that makes it very appealing. This is topped by its unique diversity, a perfect place for a reunion for a bunch of guys longing for good old times and missing their social interaction...just as we did last week and needless to say, it turned into a blast. 

"Now there is grey inside and outside..."

- Mr. P

2 more practices and the season is over

Another season is about to end and I am yet to play a full game. This year I was ready to have a push for my summit and to some sense, I was feeling that I was in mental and physical shape to do so and I thought with the help of the new coach would was not to play this year and me not going to work due to parental leave, I would be able to fix 'the issues' but I ended up playing the least ever due to the fact that the idiot that is running our team (who is actually a guy that I like in certain aspects) and one important individual in the back office had little faith in me. The real reason behind this is unclear for me as I busted my ass off at practice sessions but I suppose my biggest shortcomig was just when it was the right time to convince them otherwise, I lacked consistency and I failed. I got very pissed when I was denied a shot at the game and I tried to talk things over at an early stage to avoid a disaster from unfolding but at the end, that totally backfired. Like I said, despite feeling that my throwing and my fielding had improved, at least compared to last year, the mental burden and frustration went beyond my capacity and obviously, it had an adverse effect on my game and what not. It was a tough season for me personally and I was driven to quiting the whole damn thing on several points (and a number of my apparel failed or started to fail as well!) and the ironic thing is that I did enjoyed several productive and tiring practice sessions and I literally played nothing this year. I have never missed 'my very own fantasy baseball team' so bad that I did this year...or at least my closest buddies who I could have a word or two over a drink or something, man I am so far and I miss my people!

On a seperate and sort of relevant note, I had the chance of playing at the national arena tomorrow in a stress-free and the-result-doesn't-matter game since our home game was cancelled last Saturday due to rain. I think I would have enjoyed taking on that field but unfortunately I can not since I have to stay home with the kid...deepest sigh! And then I will miss a doubleheader some 600 Km away since I will be away to on a reunion, not that it matters.

New 2

Resolution 12. Readings and learning of Hagakure should be carried out on daily basis.

Resolution 13. Learn the thing that you have always wanted to learn, and don't be lazy about it!

A decade!

Today marks the tenth year of me leaving "home" for a new home, not that there's anything significant about it. Man, what a ride has it been even though the pace has been remarkably lower in the past couple of years. I suppose it is fair to say that the highlight of the last 'decade' (I like use this word to make it look more grand) top 5 noteworthy happenings, without particular order, can be defined as:

1. First child

2. Marriage

3. Graduation

4. Travels

5. Aging or rather noticing the aging!

Better not to get entangled with nostalgic feelings and in the past, andiamo avanti all the way.

Closing:

"To be yourself is all that you can be..."

- Chris Cornell 

Happy 1st birthday!

Cet indéfinissable charme

Cette petite flamme...