La fin d'une histoire d'amour

1.

“This is the end...my only friend, the end”

2.

Time: about 0930, early fall, 1989
Place: The courtyard, Alborz High School, Tehran

I had just left the exam hall after a mid-term exam and was talking with my best friend as we came across two boys whom we didn’t know and were playing basketball. My friend suddenly asked if we could join them and they quickly agreed to play a 2-on-2. Neither of us were basketball players but I said to myself I’d give it a shot just to try something new and we played for a while.

What happened there changed my life in a very profound way. I fell deeply in love with that game and the rest is a just another love story with the usual ingredients i.e. pain and joy, happiness and sorrows, pride and satisfaction, achievement and failure and last but not least friendships and rivalries…

3.

On 3rd of Dec. 2008, I was having a miserable day on the court. My shots were way off, missing easy lay-ups, incredible turn-overs everywhere, lack of ball handling, low agility and bad overall condition and of course lots of pain in my ankle. All these created a massive disappointment in the control room up there. Add to that anger, confusion, lack of judgment, loss of concentration all mainly caused by this chronic ankle injury that had been taunting me over the past years and to a much higher extent recently (the one that pushed me to the door of operating room only to chicken-out in the very last minute!)

All of a sudden it struck me that, if I get pass this season in a decent way i.e. average 15-20 pts, 20-25 minutes, 7-8 rebounds and 60-70% on FT with a 70-80% presence at the practices, if I accomplish all these in this season (I believe that I was fully capable of doing that), then I can sit back and say goodbye for good. I don’t know where I got this thought in the middle of all that unstable state of mind and body. If only my injury would have allowed me to get through this in that manner, then it would have been all over. After all, I had finally found a team with a possible good position for me after such a long while and it felt right time to do so. I just wanted to finish with style, with dignity against all odds.

If only...

I injured myself again on the ankle only a few minutes short of the end of the practice and needless to say, the castle of dreams collapsed in despair.

That was indeed the end of a very long love affair. The love which was not lost, as I had stated before, it was totally gone! My ankle got better after a while which means that it returned to its normal sick state but when that happened, I realized that I would never be able to make that final push, something that I craved for in order to convince myself for the last time and come into terms for this farewell.

3.

When you start thinking about failure, you have already failed. Failure is not a choice. Failure n’existe pas! The concept of kamikaze or benzai charge, I think, originates from this mindset and approach. You’d rather die than fail. It’s the crystallization of “Bushido” code. It is straight, honorable, honest and courageous.

I failed because, in my mind, I was already thinking about the end of the battle, not seeing the fact that the battle never ends. There is no end for that, it’s an everyday war going on which we happen to call it “life”.

I should have never given in, I should have never surrendered. Now it’s all over...for good.

4.

“This is the end...beautiful friend
This is the end...my only friend, the end

This is the end“