Xmas in Italy

Here's the past days in recap:

Delays...Italians are not that punctual but if you find yourself in their families, you find them very sincere and hospitable but don't even think about learning that funny language, it's so difficult...they rip the tourists off, who doesn't?...illegal immigrants, how this mess can possibly be solved in this country?...the Christmas shopping mayhem in the last minutes...questi milanesi, do I have to say more?...dinner with family on Christmas Eve...wonderful spaghetti with muscles and good wine, mamma mia...exchanging presents...good espresso in the mornings, now I know how to treat my new mocha thanks the tips from Franco...I am getting addicted to cheese, amazing stuff...Mantova is small and very nice town, didn't know that it gets foggy in the winter which is no wonder when you think of the humidity that I experienced in the summer last time I was here...man it was 5 years ago...

More to come...hopefully!

In my face!!!

I just put up a list of all the places that I have traveled on the blog. This obviously does not include all the places e.g. the places that I resided for a long time or considered as home...that discussion is still open for me, myself and I!

The reason for putting this list up just pure bragging...for myself of course! To show myself that I have seen so many places and I am such a "citizen of the world"* and thus give myself every right to comment, judge, accept and reject anything, anyone, anywhere!

It's gonna feel so good!



* "Citoyen du monde" trademark phrase by Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio

Consistency is the key

I have nothing but feeling guilty...for not writing as often as I intended to do. Add to that, I cannot access my blog from my work (where I spend all my days getting bored!) due to proxy restrictions newly introduced by company. My cousin who has been writing for the past I-don't-know-how-many years told me that I have to dedicate a certain time to writing and try to stick to that schedule. He said Sunday evenings are a good start as you can reflect on the whole week and most probably have nothing better to do but getting depressed about the coming week. I think he had a good point and I'll "try" to keep that in mind!

My other stupid mistake is that I am always trying to find something interesting and inspiring to write about, and also to formulate it in a most clever and sarcastic way. I call this stupid because I am setting the standard, mark my word, unnecessarily high for this blog which has the least number of readers! Who am I kidding? No one is reading this except me and yet, I like keep it sharp, flashy, fresh, controversial and intelligent to impress....MYSELF!!!

From no on, I will cease to be that uptight and will just relax, play along, chill out and write the f--- that comes to my distorted mind and keep the consistency at all costs!

I guess that's one hell of a new year resolution to start with.

Le retour

I will be heading back home in a matter of a few hours. The whole thing, exactly as I expected it, went so fast (as always!) and needless to say, it feels just like a short dream.

What surprises me the most is that 99% of the times and despite many new experiences in this trip, I felt like this was just part of my everyday and nothing particularly made me realize that I am on the travel and away from home (yeah right, like I have been living my whole life in Tampa and DC!) What I just said could mean that I have been at home in the past 2 weeks but I wasn't.

Home...what a strange word in MY vocabulary!

Where is my home...really?

American tradition

Being here during one of the most "American" occasions and festivities, I saw/felt/experienced the following...the American way! I am just giving a few words representing the highlights of the past days and needless to say, there are many stories behind each and I am too lazy to write them down, so...here it is:

- NBA game, the high quality of basketball, the ongoing entertainment, the cheerleaders
- Washington monument, WWII memorial, Lincoln memorial, the White House
- Thanksgiving and all that eating, turkey, gravy, mash potato, stuffings, apple pie, the subsequent coma!
- Air and space museum, air crafts and space suits
- Black Friday and the shopping mania, sales and discounts, headache and fatigue
- Buffalo chicken wings, Bison (buffalo) burger, donuts, miller light
- Facial treatment, hand treatment

and many more...

They want to own you

1.

This has been bothering me for a while but I never had the chance to put it into words. Have you noticed that in today's commercials, instead of introducing a product and telling you about the possible advantages of consumption of that service/product, they are actually ORDERING you to start using that junk? It doesn't have to be a junk necessarily but I for one, take offense in the way they are treating me.

Does this words sound familiar?
- Buy now!
- Go now!
- Shop now!
- Call now!
They may even go as far as ordering you to "Save now!"

Obviously, they are going to spend some time on introducing this new junk (allow me to call this thing junk, as they are in most cases nowadays, just for the sake of discussion, and above all, this makes me feel a bit better!) to you and after that they command you to purchase/use that. Hey, what happened to MY freedom of choice? After all, this is my money (that you are after), isn't it? It is my money, my time, my future, my vacation, my everything, my life and "I" want to do whatever that "I" want with it, I don't need someone else decide for me and tell me!

I know they are not forcing me into that but, by repeating these commercials over and over again in the media, which we are all so tragically addicted to, and putting the emphasis in their punch line that is their command, they will get their message through your brain and you find yourself doing exactly what they told you to do!

This came to my attention more distinctly during these past days in USA, the mecca of capitalism whose economy is run by giant corporates and their sale numbers, an economic system who is experiencing one of its greatest crises ever at the moment.

Well, like I said before angrily behind the loudspeaker, we've got to refuse to this dehumanization and show them that we are still intelligent creatures with the ability to think and decide for ourselves with an indefinite FREE will although some favorite philosophers may argue that free will is nothing but a b--ch!

2.

I was sitting comfortably in a flight to Atlanta as the flight attendants started to give out so-called refreshments...that is pretzels and a drink! The paper package of the cheap pretzels grabbed my attention instantly. It said, "HOW TO EAT GOURMET PRETZELS ON A LOW-FARE AIRLINE (SEE BACK FOR COMPLETE INSTRUCTIONS)". Being naive by nature, I said to myself ,"Oh I have got to see this since I have no idea how to eat a god damn pretzel on a low-fare airline...it's got to be more than putting the pretzel in the mouth and chewing it!"

Well, here's the exact instructions, you be the judge.

1. Think about our wonderful low fares at ---.com as you open the packet
2. Place a pretzel in mouth. With each crunch, be reminded of our low fares
3. As you swallow, remember again just how low the fares are
4. Repeat until pretzel packet is empty
5. Keep empty packet to remind yourself to book at ---.com, where you'll always find our lowest fares

I rest my case.

Coming to America

Yeah I finally made it to the "land of the free and home of the brave"...again!

I took just a bit of hassle going through "that" (definitely not as much as last time though)... and you know what I mean by "that"!

The door-to-door travel took me about 22 hours, felt like a trip to Japan but anyway, I'm being guested with family and feel very comfortable. I think the jet lag is also over as I woke up in 0300 (1000 my time) last night and went to sleep again till 0730 (1330 my time).

I don't think I will have time to see anything from DC area today but I am well rested and ready to go to Florida tonight. I have never been there and all I have in mind is what Michael Moore said about FL in his book "Stupid White Men"...I'll see if I can find his exact statement and put here as reference.

On verai...

An open letter to a former GAMTIK

I knew you were going to do that, I f---ing knew that!

I was just hoping, in vain, that maybe this time you wouldn’t be yourself and act differently. Well, you didn’t!

I don’t know much details about how the whole thing went, not that I didn’t or don’t want to know. On the contrary, I still do...very much...but you gave me nothing...and I asked for nothing neither!

I just wished you had relied on me more...like I did on you...through all those hard times, all those strange troubles, all those struggles...everything. I came to you and I let you in during several difficult situations...telling you of my utmost moments of weakness, putting the guard down completely and shared with you...and you never let me down nor did much to relieve me...you just listened and understood what I was going through...no judgment, no disagreement no advice no nothing...just understanding! Would that be asking too much if I asked you to do the same?

That meant a whole lot to me...that strengthened our bond beyond imagination, at least that’s what I think. But when it came to you, you simply shut the door and never let me, or probably no one else, in.

We talked afterward, long before this happened...I told you that it feels really bad for me when you do this, you said this was a habit of yours and I said well this sucks and you agreed! We never talked about that later.

Well, like I said in the beginning, you did that...and that changes my perspective. As a natural reaction, I will treat you the same way that you treated me. Am I having too much expectation? You’re damn right about that...why? Because I “thought” we had a something strong between us, we had something in common, we were brothers, we shared our secrets, and we relied on each other, we had each other back...not doing much but just being there cuz I know that just knowing that someone would be out there should things go wrong, is a invaluable feeling. Obviously, we don’t have that now. That’s how I feel about it!

The whole thing must have been really hard for you, I am fully aware but I wished you could put yourself in my position once, seeing such thing happening in front of you to someone you care and you’re left out. Trust me, it doesn’t feel good...Good? What am I saying? It feels awful to say the least...but most probably you’re too occupied with the main thing and wouldn’t care about this side-effect now...je ne sais plus...

I thanked you once for being yourself all the times, I just wished you weren't this time.

I am not saying maybe I could be able to stop this or maybe I could have helped you to go smoother through this...All I am saying is that if you had not acted according to “your habit”, you would have ended up with one broken bond and one much stronger bond...now you have almost two broken bonds.

I wonder if it matters at all now...

O.

1.

He is here!

Yes, he finally came atop his hard-fought battle and broke all those barriers.

Oh, yes sir!

No one believed that he would do that. The man entered a new chapter of history, the man referred to "The One" by some and "That One" by others!

Before his winning night, he was waiving the giant flag of change spreading hope around by repeating his trademark of "Yes we can" and on that night, he touched many people's hearts by accomplishing what was unprecedented.

Now that the climax is over after a couple of days, although many still want to stay in that sweet state of victory, we all stand and wait, asking: "Now what?"

2.

Four years ago, I was lucky enough to meet a great man who was the guru on that scientific field that I was working. We chatted mostly on politics and I will never forget how he looked like the night before the election. My weak words trying to assure him that if he believes his side is right so he should be certain of victory did not help much in enhancing his state. The day after, while trying to get over the harsh defeat he said to me: "We shall win one day...we shall take over" and I was dead angry due to loss so his stark words did not improved my state neither (so much of mutual influence!). Little did I knew that he was actually spreading "hope for a change" back then and I was too blinded by the loss. Indeed a wise man he was!

Well, these days are your days my friend, enjoy your victory to the full. Although I know you can never sit back or settle down for a while. I am sure that you are already anxious about future.

"We are alive as we never settle down (calm down)
We are like waves of the sea, we will vanish from life should we rest for a while..."

3.

For us outsiders, it may not mean that much. However, it is surely good to see someone sympa, young, good looking, basketball player (not to mention "sun tanned" as someone has recently suggested!) take the charge for a while.

At least his name sounds very comforting for us as it means "He is with us = O ba ma (ast)" in Persian!

The Truth

"...And ye shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free."

-John 8:32


Will it?
Will it make me free??

Answer me!

Rien à dire...

Yes I am breaking my silence again and coming back...so many things on my mind and at the same time, so little to say! Wanna take a peak inside? Here it is:

Pain, fear and inability...that's all my basketball is about now, the only heart warming thing is the rebound...something that I have missed for a while that I have totally forgotten about...nostalgic memories of the past, memories that are lying under a thick layer of dust, memories that I seldom refer to e.g. the feeling before and after each game...you know which games! Will it come back tomorrow? and if yes, will it help me or degrade me? I don't know... A late afternoon practice at a worn and dusty gym at IUST in the east of THR with guys...my guys, my buddies...man we were having the time of our lives....top that with milkshake and sandwiches on the way home...so long ago, so great, so unreachable! ...A dear friend and one-time brother who is so distant now, I wonder what...hell I don't know, I don't care, he's definitely in his "Ether" floating around, he gets by...seems like our bond who felt like a gigantic steel bridge just fell apart, did it? I don't know...Was it because there was no base to that? Noooo, well, you see...ehh...I don't know...

Like I said before, so many things to say and nothing to say at all, I'd better close the lid now as the head may explode due to overflow of I-don't-know-what!

The flu game...The utmost inspiring

Premise: 1997 NBA finals, Chicago Bulls v. Utah Jazz

With the series tied at 2-2, Bulls traveled to Utah for a decisive game 5. Jordan woke up in the middle of the night, shaking and sweating and vomiting with the flu. While trainers doubted he would play and he actually needed an IV at halftime, Jordan played 44 minutes of 48 and scored 38 points, 15 in the 4th quarter plus 7 rebounds, 5 assists, 3 steals and 1 block to win the game at 90-88. In the beginning, he was quite pale in the game and didn't have much energy to perform, this led to Utah taking a 16 point lead in the 2nd quarter...at home! But he came back and by doing so and putting up those brilliant numbers, he displayed the utmost inspiring sport performance that I have ever witnessed in my life.

I remember this game clearly even though it's a while ago, waking up very early in the morning to watch the game live at a friend's place who was not that much into basketball with Turkish commentators! "His Airness" was not simply in this world, he was so sick and from the look on his eyes, he seemed as if he didn't see anything around him nor had the energy to do anything about him. Everything he did originated from pure instincts rather his will as he was floating in his own time-space.

Now I clearly remember one game that I had to battle through gigantic migraine headache during a game with our fierce rivals, a low scoring game that we lost sadly 44-48! I remember how painful it was to force myself to play hard, to not letting my guys down and above all to win while I was not functioning normally. Even if everything is fine and working 100%, it takes a little more than that to win. What MJ did at the flu game, against all odds, was far beyond any man's imagination, only a true "Über-Man" can accomplish that.

Midday prayer

"Shine on forever
Shine on, benevolent sun

Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one

Shine on forever
Shine on, benevolent sun

Shine down upon the served
Shine until the two become one

Divided, I wither away
Divided, I wither away

Shine down upon the many
Light our way, benevolent sun..."


Thank you Reverend Maynard!

Full Metal Jacket

Years ago, I was reading my favorite movie magazine and I came across an article about this movie. That magazine had a fine print and a lot of text, there was only this picture from the film.
I read the article completely and it got into my skin so deeply. I was so touched by the movie that I read (better to say "ate up") that article several times and, needless to say, watched the movie many many times!

Now, I will not try to analyze that movie here as I know there are billions of better critiques out there about this masterpiece so I save my breath. One thing though, if you have not seen this film yet, go and see it! If you have already seen it, well here's a few fine quotes from that movie which not only refreshes your memory but it will make you think again...the same way the film makes me ponder every time I watch it.

Enjoy!

***********
(From movie poster): In Vietnam, the wind doesn't blow, it sucks.
***********
Private Joker: The dead only know one thing: it is better to be alive.
***********
Crazy Earl: These are great days we're living bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the fines human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.
***********
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, 5-foot-9, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: 5-foot-9?, I didn't know they stacked s--t that high.
***********
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: The deadliest weapon in the world is a marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If you killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead marines and then you will be in a world of s--t because marines are not allowed die without permission. Do you maggots understand?
***********
Private Cowboy: You know there's not a single horse in the entire country of Vietnam? There's definitely something wrong with that.
***********
Pogue Colonel: Son, all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook there is an American trying to get out. It's hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
Private Joker: Aye-aye, sir.
***********
Private Joker: I wanted to see exotic Vietnam...the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture...and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!
***********
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy dog s--t, Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck d---s?

Angry me behind loudspeaker

"You can't fight city hall, death and taxes. Don't talk about politics or religion. This is all the equivalent of enemy propaganda rolling across the picket line. "Lay down, G.I. Lay down, G.I." We saw it all through the 20th Century. And now in the 21st Century, it's time to stand up and realize that we should not allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze. We should not submit to dehumanization.

I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world. I'm concerned with the structure. I'm concerned with the systems of control, those that control my life and those that seek to control it even more! I want freedom! That's what I want! And that's what you should want!

It's up to each and every one of us to turn loose and show them the greed, the hatred, the envy, and yes, the insecurities because that is the central mode of control - make us feel pathetic, small so we'll willingly give up our sovereignty, our liberty, our destiny. We have got to realize that we're being conditioned on a mass scale. Start challenging this corporate slave state! The 21st Century is going to be a new century, not the century of slavery, not the century of lies and issues of no significance and classism and statism and all the rest of the modes of control! It's going to be the age of humankind standing up for something pure and something right!

What a bunch of garbage - liberal Democrat, conservative Republican. It's all there to control you. Two sides of the same coin. Two management teams bidding for control! The C.E.O. job of Slavery, Incorporated! The truth is out there in front of you, but they lay out this buffet of lies. I'm sick of it, and I'm not going to take a bite out of it! Do you got me?

Resistance is not futile. We're gonna win this thing. Humankind is too good! We're not a bunch of underachievers! We're gonna stand up and we're gonna be human beings! We're gonna get fired up about the real things, the things that matter: creativity and dynamic human spirit that refuses to submit! Well that's it! That's all I got to say!

It's your court."


Many thanks to Alex Jones for words and the performance

The lost love

Where did that love go? That passion, that urge, that need that I could barely live without? I am talking about my love to the game of basketball...I fell in love with this game quite late, that is to say I started playing this game much later that other boys, at the age of 14 when I was in my first grade in high school...I remember that day so clearly...the day that I tried it and loved it so much...I remember every fine detail. During about 16 years of playing this game, I have had a lot of ups and downs in my game...many injuries and many glories...many memorable and unexplainable moments and of course many fights and many lows.

About 2 years ago, my chronic ankle injury got worse as I sprained my ankle several times in a row, mostly on stupid occasions and that caused me to stop playing for a while. There was also a really strange injury that happened to a close friend of mine which made me committed to not playing for a while. I thought if I just chill and rest it for a while it gets better. Well, it didn’t and I started with some regular rehab training every now and then which obviously didn’t help much neither. I went as far as doing an operation on my foot but I backed off (read chickened off!) in the last second. Now it has gone about 2.5 years and the thing that amazes me the most is that in this period, I have not been missing the game at all and the love is completely gone! I remember that in of my worst moments life, my only concern was will I be able to play this game again and now, I have gone cold turkey without even being bothered at all!

How?

I have been trying to figure out why and I think I’ve got some explanations at the moment; please feel free to let me know if YOU can be of any help in this matter:

1. I have replaced that with baseball (well not exactly...anyway), but you see, I am quite novice in this game and I can not perform as well as I want to so that doesn’t quench my thirst as much as I want it to. In other words it is not really a replacement plus the fact that unfortunately, I received an immense injury in baseball in my early days which had a destructive effect on me

2. My subconscious has accepted this damn injury and has accepted that I can not perform as well as before; therefore it doesn’t push much on my ego

3. Maybe I am somehow fed up with this and I feel that I have accomplished whatever there was to accomplish (yeah right!) and now it is just over...and I have an incurable injury as well

4. Environment: this is one the most probable reasons as I live in a neutral environment now when it comes to basketball. Back then, everyone and everything was into basketball or had something to do with it and we all enjoyed it to death. It is different now...very different

Having said all these, I still believe that these can not be true; I am always in a constant sense of denial because “Il n’existe jamais rien!” In addition to that, I strongly believe that a true love never dies...NEVER!

The search for an answer continues, I am going to give this lost love a try tonight and we’ll see how things go...

"Il n’existe jamais rien!"

Thèse

My ultimate philosophy...this simple sentence governs all aspects of everybody's life i.e. there is never nothing, there is nothing in this life and has never been. Nothing is immortal, nothing lasts forever and nothing (and I repeat nothing) is eternal and worth being tied to. This life that we all cherish so dearly and happen to be our most precious thing is going to end one day. Everything and everyone that you love so much is going to leave you one day and so are you.

There are more to this: there is never anything, everything in this world is nothing, nothing is worthy, think about it! Look around yourself, what do you see? Nothing! There is absolutely nothing out there!

Yes it does sound Über-nihilistic but it is the truth and nothing but the truth...trust me! You just have to think about it deeply...very deeply and if you don't trust me, do get acquainted with all the great thinkers of the world, the philosophers, scientists, mathematicians and etc. Bottom line, they are saying the same and can't agree with above more.

This way of thinking does help you t remind yourself of the fact that this is not going to last very much so stop wasting time and caring about it so much. Get a new perspective and lower your expectations of this hopeless hole called life. It can eventually make you feel a bit happy and joyful AFTER you have come into terms with yourself and have swallowed this bitter truth. Then the tough gets going whenever the going gets tough, you do take it a bit easier and hell, you may start having fun! Since "Il n'existe jamais rien!" so why bother, huh?

Why this name?

"Yeah then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Was just a freight train coming your way..."

Dick Cheney

I just listened to one of my favorite flamboyant political characters Michael Moore commenting on the Republicans' convention which took place a while ago, he was asked how come his name was mentioned during the convention and not Dick Cheney's...he said that he seems to be that "crazy old uncle that they have hidden in the closet in the basement" and they don't want to talk about him anymore and etc.

Just imagining that....that there's this house that all Republicans live in and they've got an uncle who is old and crazy (probably with long white hair) and is kept in the basement, in the closet and they don't show him to neighbors or guest cuz he might scare them off and so on....that thought made me laugh pretty good!

Preaching the end of the world

I thought that I might as well kick things off with a little preach...my sincere thanks to Chris Cornell for the words

Hello, I know there's someone out there
Who can understand
And who's feeling the same way as me
I'm [thirty-four (almost!)] and I've got everything to live for
But I know now that it wasn't meant to be
'Cause all has been lost and all has been won
And there's nothing left for us to save
But now I know that I don't want to be alone today
So if you find that you've been feeling just the same
Call me now it's alright
It's just the end of the world
You need a friend in the world
'Cause you can't hide
So call and I'll get right back
If your intentions are pure
I'm seeking a friend for the end of the world
I've got a photograph, I'll send it off today
And you will see that I am perfectly sane
Not for a lifetime or forever and a day
'Cause we know now that just won't be the case
There will be no commitment and no confessions
And no little secrets to keep
No little children or houses with roses
Just the end of the world and me
'Cause all has been gone and all has been done
And there's nothing left for us to say
But we could be together as they blow it all away
And we can share in every moment as it breaks
Call me now it's alright
It's just the end of the world
You need a friend in the world
'Cause you can't hide
So call and I'll get right back
If your intentions are pure
I'm seeking a friend for the end of the world

The first post

ehum....hello?
Can you hear me?

Yeah....after a long period of resistance against the "new" trend of blogging, the siege of Leningrad was broken (in contrast to what history has suggested!) and I finally decided to jump into this pool...like billions of bloggers who are out there writing about I don't know what!Why I did it and why I was hesitant to resist this trend will hopefully be discussed in the future. In other words, let me save a few words for later as well!

At the moment, I feel like standing on the stage of a dark and large theater hall and I am not sure if there's anybody out there who can hear me or is listening to me...it might easily be that there are billions and billions of people are standing at the same stage trying to make their voice be heard by an audience who expands to infinity. In any case, it feels cold and lonely for the time being but hey, I am at least standing on the stage...