Showing posts with label Philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Philosophy. Show all posts

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Nobody Home

Note: 

This lyrics cannot be more appropriate right now.

I've got a little black book with my poems in 
Got a bag with toothbrush and comb in
When I'm good dog, they sometimes throw me a bone in

I got elastic bands keepin' my shoes on
Got those swollen-hand blues
I got thirteen channels of shit on the TV to choose from

I've got electric light
And I've got second sight
I got amazing powers of observation
And that is how I know
When I try to get through
On the telephone to you

There'll be nobody home

I've got the obligatory Hendrix perm
And the inevitable pinhole burns
All down my favorit satin shirt

I've got nicotine stains on my fingers
I've got a silver spoon on a chain
Got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains

I got wild staring eyes
And I've got a strong urge to fly
But I got nowhere to fly to

Ooh, babe when you pick up the phone
There's still nobody home

I've got a pair of Gohills boots 
But I got fading roots

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Wake me up!

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to pass 
[Fifteen] years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to pass
[Fifteen] years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Re: 4 Decades

"Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing."

From the episode "The Visa" of the season 4 of TV series Seinfeld. 

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

The essence of parenthood

Father and his five year old daughter are taking a nice promenade with the sunset in the background horizon.

Father: I want you to have a life in which I provide you with anything that your heart wishes.
Daughter: Can I have ice cream?
Father: No!

Sunday, May 3, 2015

You will know

When I was a young boy
I had visions of fame
They were wild, they were free, they were blessed with my name

And then I grew older
I saw what's to see
That the world is full of pain
And my dreams they left me

And I got stronger
And tired of the pain
That's when I picked up the pieces
And I regained my name

And I fought hard y'all
To carve out my place
And right now you look at me 
And it all seems in vain

Monday, December 29, 2014

My 2014 lesson

Scene from the movie "The Fan" by Tony Scott (1996).

Gil and Bobby playing baseball on the beach.

Gil Renard: How did you get out of that slump, Bob?
Bobby Rayburn: Say what?
Gil Renard: Got any idea what got you out of that slump?
Bobby Rayburn: You know Curly, I just stopped caring, man.
Gil Renard: What?
Bobby Rayburn: I just stopped caring.
Gil Renard: You stopped caring? What do you mean?
Bobby Rayburn: All my life, I've been working to be the best. You know? Trying to be perfectionist. And I thought about it. That's probably where I made my mistake. And when Juan Primo died, man, that completely changed the perspective. I mean...I mean, come on man, let's be real here man. What are we doing? We're not curing cancer, you know? We're playing a game. That's all it is. It's just a game. So I stopped caring and relaxed...and I started hitting again.
Gil Renard: Stopped caring. So that's your f---ing insight into life?
Bobby Rayburn: Yeah.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Cykel Vasa 90: الكريم اذا وعد وفى

1. Last year, after the CV45, I said somewhere that I will go for CV90 next year. I almost forgot about my promise specially after what happened at Lida. But somehow I remembered it and it just struck me what Saadi once said:"A man always keeps his word..." which left me with a rather simple choice. 

2. In the aftermath of Lida, there was only one thought that was daunting on me:"I just can't go out as a loser, I just CAN'T!" So I had to pull myself together and get back on that horse. If it ain't working, come back to fight another day, it is very important to choose those days wisely.

3. I fixed a solid plan of mental and physical preparation for CV90, none of them held due to factors mostly outside my power. On the day that me and my riding buddy decided to go for a long ride to simulate the 90 Km stretch, I got a puncture while riding on asphalt! A short while after changing my tube while were trying to bounce back from the downer, he got a puncture too and it turned out that his reserve tube which was brand new has a puncture in it as well! So we had to call up my guardian angel to come and pick us up in the middle of nowhere (details can be seen in here). In order to avoid such unpleasant surprises during the event, I handed in my bike to the local bike shop so that they can sort this thing out and I have been getting a little too much of punctures since I got my bike. The guy claimed that there was something wrong with my tires and suggested to get a new package of tire and tube which they had a special offer for Cykel Vasa. While I really didn't buy his argument and believed that there was nothing wrong with my Bontrager tires, I reluctantly accepted and went for the Continental package. The day after, I saw that I have a puncture again while the bike was standing in balcony! I always suspected that the rim tapes were to blame and have to be replaced as they really seemed low quality and badly placed to my great surprise having the quality of Trek in mind. So he did it this time and it held. This somehow proved that I was right all along and that tire change was really unnecessary imposed cost. Yet another bummer but I couldn't afford to lose my mind on that and tried to look at in a positive way: I would be riding with brand new tires and tubes and it felt quite safe. Two nights before the event, I came out of shower and was about to sit down to drink some water, BAAAAM! My back started to nag loudly. Jesus H. Christ! Why? Why now? The idea of this nagging blowing to a full scale back pain, which grounded me badly for two weeks last year, was not a pretty sight. I had to bite my way through.

4. On the mental strategy during the race, I decided to divide the whole thing in three parts, each of 30 Km: 1st would be the warm-up which turned out to be quite useful given that the weather that day was chilly, 2nd would be the struggle and I just have to fight my way through and 3rd would be just trying to get to the finish line and get over with it. This worked actually well with only one flaw which I had totally missed: The length is actually 95 Km and not 90! So when I reached 90, I still had 5 Km to go but I had ran out of mental energy, my body could surprisingly hold up for a good while or at least for the extra 5. This meant that I ran somewhat empty those last kilometers and this had a negative effect on my overall time despite my efforts down the stretch. 

5. On the night before CV90 (staying in a hotel in Tällberg) and the on the bus ride to Sälen on the day of CV, I was feeling very sad and down. I guess there were many reason: the uncertainty of how it will go during the ride, the bad weather ahead of us (cold and heavy on and off showers), how my bloody back would react, the long distance of ride ahead, not being able to sleep enough and comfortably the night before and waking up very early in the morning (there is nothing in this world that I LOATHE more than waking up early in the morning and head out to somewhere, I really really hate that!) and many many more. I faced a dilemma of what clothing I should wear and I went for light version i.e. cycling jersey and a tight base layer without arms which resulted in me feeling very cold at times but I think it was a good decision overall. My back started to nag again in the beginning but when it realized that I don't give a damn about it, it just went away!  

6. In the end, it went very much better than what I expected. I had very good time half way through and I could have finished under 4:30 if I had dared to push harder in some places but I was very unsure of my back and was a bit afraid of possible crash or something. On top of that was the mental factor that I mentioned earlier. But I did reach my highest speed ever recorded, 47.5 Km/hr! And it was sort of easier and a very fine trail to ride on, I really like that trail. Looking back now the CV 45 seems really short compared to this one. However in CV90, we skipped a very difficult hill which in CV45 caused me some problems last year. 

7. I was slightly put off by the organisation of the race though. Now that there are such a large number of  participants, the organisation has to be raised to another level compared to CV45 but it, in my personal opinion, didn't. Well, they claim that they had applied some improvements in the trail, but they could do much much better. For example, the showers and changing area were not really satisfactory for this number of people: few showers, cold water running at times, dirty changing area, not enough hooks/places for clothes and not enough toilets in the start. You had to stand in long queues for everything, from getting the food (which we gave up on when we got a sight of that) to picking up your race diploma and stuff. The Shimano Café which was the only alternative for food charged quite much for a very salty and quite bad buffet. The food offered from the race was not that eye catching neither. That in general was a bit disappointing given the relatively high entrance fee. I heard later from someone who takes part for a race called Giro dell Dolomiti in Italy which is a 7-day event on road bikes that they pay the same entrance fee except for getting warm food and much more for a whole week! Also, the giveaways were very shabby and little. We got almost nothing except and small plastic wrist band courtesy of Merida. The finish medal can be easily replaced with a more classy one. There are so much to improve in many aspects.

All in all, I am kind of happy with my performance, 4:35.43 was my official time. I got really euphoric when I got myself in the last stretch that is a couple of hundred meters from finish line and I was really happy as I passed that famous sign which reads:"I faders spår för framtida segrar" which means "In father's (i.e. Gustaf Vasa) track for future victories". I would have loved to see some familiar faces right there at the finish line but I didn't!:-( On the hand, I did get some good photos instead courtesy of happymtb.org. The whole adventure can be seen in here with additional data.

As for the next year, no promises right now! ;-)

Somewhere near Eldris




Monday, April 28, 2014

Lesson I learned from my father

Scene from the episode "Más" of season 3 of TV series Breaking Bad.

Walter White: I have made a series of very bad decisions, I cannot make another one.
Gus Fring: Why did you make these decisions?
Walter White: For the good of my family.
Gus Fring: Then they weren't bad decisions. What does a man do, Walter? A man provides for his family.
Walter White: This cost me my family!
Gus Fring: When you have children, you'll always have family. They'll always be your priority, your responsibility. And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he is a man.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

All Those Yesterdays: A letter from Pearl Jam to me

Don't you think you oughtta rest?
Don't you think you oughtta lay your head down?
Don't you think you want to sleep?
Don't you think you oughtta lay your head down tonight?

Don't you think you've done enough?
Oh, don't you think you've got enough, well maybe...
You don't think there's time to stop
There's time enough for you to lay your head down, tonight, tonight

Let it wash away
All those yesterdays

What are you running from?
Taking pills to get along
Creating walls to call your own
So no one catches? Drifting off and
Doing all the things we all do

Let them wash away
All those yesterdays
All those yesterdays
All those paper plates

You've got time, you've got time to escape
There's still time, it's no crime to escape
It's no crime to escape, it's no crime to escape
There's still time, so escape
It's no crime, crime...

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

12

It has been 12 years now since I moved 'out'. Never would have imagined that I will have such a long run. During this course, I have gained many things and lost many things as well and I have been though some.

I guess I will never know if I have made a right move or not, probably not even the time would be able to tell.

It went by just like that...like many other things...like almost everything else.

So strange...so strange...

Sigh!

Sunday, July 28, 2013

CHOP SUEY!

I don't think you trust
In, my, self-righteous suicide
I, cry, when angels deserve to die

Father! Father! Father! Father!
"Father into your hands, I commend my spirits"*
Father into your hands
Why have you forsaken me
In your eyes forsaken me
In your thoughts forsaken me
In your heart forsaken me


* Luke 23:46

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

147!

Yes, it has been 4 months since I last wrote here, not that I forgot about it but it was just complicated given the series of events that happened and what not.

I will now exit my self imposed exile and try to reflect on that. A couple of days after my post on Vasaloppet, I had an unfortunate accident on the XC track which left me grounded for 2 weeks at home and left a scar on my face. Then I saw my little princess to go through the toughest period of sickness ever. It took me some substantial time to realize what had actually happened but it did have a major impact on my mindset.

If only I could turn back time...

I sought comfort in other aspects of life but they only thing which helped me was my immediate family and in particular my daughter. I cannot say that I have fully recovered from that hit (as the scar is still physically there and most probably will never go away fully) but the only escape or rather defense was to attack. I got very much inspiration from the following quote which I read somewhere:

"Tant que je respire, j'attaque!" - "As long as I breath, I attack!"

So I got myself to another quite dangerous passion of mine, mountain biking and I will take part in my bike race ever really soon (I have to write more about my relation to cycling later on and some of my escapades back in the days). I just want to take part and enjoy the atmosphere, so no competition really... not to be a winner but feel like one.

I have been thinking very much about my blog and I deeply regret not 'pouring out' here during all the hard times but I didn't mostly due to fear and a good deal of laziness as always; it's much easier to write posts in my brain as they come up rather than writing them down here. I was afraid and broken and for some inexplicable masochistic way, I wanted to stay that way: I just can not figure why.

I witnessed a close friend of mine one lose a dear one and that also gave me shock and added more emptiness to the way that I see the world and our relations with people around us: family, friends, coworkers etc...they all will 'go' at one point and so will I. At the very end, I just realized the most meaningful thing in this life is my child who gives me the utter joy in life, without expectations, without prejudice and will always always forgive my faults and loves me exactly the way I am, as crazy and as distorted as I may be.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Figuring out the streets according to Roger

Roger: Here's a joke boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. After awhile, it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f---'s your problem?'

Monday, January 28, 2013

Down he goes

The downfall of one of my all-time hero and a true source of inspiration, Lance Armstrong, is complete now after his confessions, and I still can't believe it.


These falls are very painful and the worst of all is the emptiness and the cavity that they leave behind that does not refill easily. I remember that on another occasion another hero of mine let me down in a very critical situation and left me devastated for some good time.

"Forgive and forget!" , however cheezy, is the only remedy that comes to my mind.

Such a shame...deepest sigh!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

'This' cannot be more fitting for this moment!

Song: Time
Artist: Pink Floyd
Written by: Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Nick Mason, Richard Wright

Ticking away the moments
That make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours
In an off-hand way

Kicking around on a piece of ground
In your home town
Waiting for someone or something
To show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine
Staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long
And there time is still kill today

And then the one day you find 
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun

And you run and you run
to catch up with the sun
But it's sinking

Racing around
To come up behind you again

The sun is the same
In a relative way
But you're older

Shorter of breath
And one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find time

Plans that either come to naught
Or half a page of scribbled lines

Hanging on in quiet desperation
Is the English way

The time is gone
The song is over
Thought I'd something more to say

Home
Home again
I like to be here
When I can

When I come home
Cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones
Beside the fire

Far away
Across the field 
Tolling on the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spell

Monday, October 29, 2012

The story of Jimmy

Jimmy was a cocky and hot-headed sparrow. One day he told his friends that "he couldn't take this s#&t anymore" and he wanted to start off his 'northbound adventure'. He said that he believed that "the north was were it's at" (whatever the hell that means!) and he couldn't bear hanging out with 'those losers' anymore so he basically headed north. 

He flew and flew and flew. After a couple of days of flying, he got tired and noticed that the weather was getting colder. He continued and tried to ignore the fatigue and the cold but one day, at the peak of exhaustion and somewhat frustration, he found himself in a snow storm and next thing he knew, he was grounded as the winds and snow were smashing to his tired body. When he came to his senses, he was almost fully buried under the heavy snow and was shaking uncontrollably. He prayed to the god that he did not believe in to get out of this dismal ordeal and he promised 'to stop being cocky and treat his friends and others with respect'. All of a sudden, a moose called Johannes who was passing by and had not obviously seen him, dropped a massive crap on Jimmy. Jimmy was too tired to mind this but he soon noticed that the heat from the turd started to melt the snow around him and all of a sudden, he was enjoying the pleasant warmth and he totally forgot where he was and why he was there. He started singing from joy:

"All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
I've been for a walk
On a winter's day
I'd be save and warm
if I was in LA
California dreamin'
on such a winter's day..."

A fox named Vincenzo came by and heard Jimmy's voice. He saw Jimmy sitting for himself and singing joyfully in the middle of crap. He had not eaten anything proper for several days in that winter so in a blink of an eye, he pulled him out and ate him up.

Moral 1. If someone takes a crap on you, it doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to harm you rather he might be doing you good in an indirect way, it might be a solution to your already s#&!ty situation.

Moral 2. If someone takes you out of crap, it doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to help you, maybe  he wants to eat you afterwards.

Moral 3. If you find yourself in crap, keep quiet and enjoy the warmth, it might be the best for you.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Unforgiven III

"How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Searched for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?"